Meeting

Today I had a good day. It was my day off and sent most of it at home. Chris did have a work meeting tonight and asked if I wanted to go... they were doing a chili cook-off. On our way there I asked if there was anyone I would know (the meeting was for a Master Builders Assoc. that he's a member of for his work, so it's not people from his job...more like networking) he said that his boss was going to be there. My heart stopped for a moment. I haven't seen his boss since the last time I was pregnant with Makenzie (late into my pregnancy). He's a very nice man but I've heard of some of the sweet things that he's said to Chris and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear any of it tonight. But all he did was hug me and said that I looked good and a big congrats on pregnancy #2. He also said that he prays for us everyday. It was nice. There was also a few others that I've met at one of the other meetings (again when I was super pregnant with Makenzie). They knew what had happened and all they did was congratulate me on baby #2. It almost hurt worst when they didn't say anything about Makenzie. I know they meant well and I know that they have said things about Makenzie to Chris but I still wanted to scream "I still miss my daughter Makenzie!!!" Just because I'm pregnant again doesn't mean that I'm "fixed".

To all the baby loss moms out there that read my blog.....

I know how it feels to read someone else's blog who are pregnant or have recently had a baby and I really don't want to cause you the same pain but this is my story...life without Makenzie. I don't have my daughter here in person (always in spirit) and I have to deal with that every second but this is a new chapter in my book, my life. This chapter is new, scary, and a little hopeful. I know that not every pregnancy is the same but when you've lost a child the pregnancies after that loss will never be the same...there will always be a sliver (in some cases way more) of doubt that this pregnancy will lead to a "take-home baby". So for the baby loss moms, I pray that you will all find your way in your own stories and remember that there are people out there who know how you might be feeling (even if they are pregnant again).