Wow it's been way too long since I've blogged. Maybe I've been holding too much in and should really come back to it.
Last Thursday I was having alot of pelvic pressure with Landen so we decided to go to the hospital to check it out. It was the first time that we have been back to Labor and Delivery since we had Makenzie. I wasn't sure how I would feel about going back. I knew that we'd have to come back to have Landen but I guess I wasn't sure how I would feel. Once we got checked into the front desk she wheeled us back. "We have room 2 available for you" said the nurse. My heart sank....that was Makenzie's room. We had told her what happened to us in that room and she was so kind as to get us into a different room. It's silly that just having a room that faced the other way helped me. But as we waited for us to be hooked up to the monitors I got to thinking about that day with Makenzie. How different this time around would be for us. The first monitor she put on me was the fetal heart monitor....it was a relief to hear his heartbeat (even though I knew he was ok because he was kicking around). After the nurse left I couldn't help but cry a little. Last time we were in this hospital we didn't need the fetal heart monitor. I can't believe that it's been almost a year since Makenzie was born and we had to start to live this new life without her. Now I'm worried on how I'll feel when we go into the hospital to have Landen. I know that I'll be happy to hopefully have a healthy baby but I also know how hard it will be to know that Makenzie isn't with us (well besides in our hearts).
After an hour of monitoring and questions the hospital doctor came in to check me and there was no change from my doctor appt that Wednesday. So back home we went.
With every passing moment that Landen's not here I become a little more scared that something will go wrong. I don't sleep very well in fears that he'll stop moving. I swear Landen's going to come out and sleep alot since I don't give him much time to sleep cause all I want to do is check on him every few minutes to make sure he's alive and well. We'll be delivering him a week early but I still worry that something will go wrong and we'll be at the hospital again with horrible news. I guess this is just something I have to live with until he gets here. Then there are new worries to worry about.