I've been talking to my family and close friends about when we might start to try again and it's so funny that most of them have in one way or another told me to start now!!! It makes it so easy to want to now but I won't rush into it (even though some days I would love to start now!). I may say that I might be ready but in all reality I'm going to wait until at least Sept to even THINK about trying again. Chris and I have talked and it seems that emotionally I'm not quite ready yet. Deep down I keep making excuses. Like... I don't want another baby to be born on Makenzie's birthday, I've only had 2 periods and the dr recommends that we wait at least 3. Things like that. But I'm sure that if I made a pros and cons list the pros might out weight the cons. I sometimes feel like I'm playing tug-a-war with my mind and heart! I'm still waiting for my flashing sign to come...
On a different note...
We went to my niece's sweet 16 party today and it went great! We even saw a butterfly before the party started...Makenzie was with us too! It was so sweet to see Chris with our nieces and nephews. That would go on the pros list! I get excited and sad that I can't wait for Chris to play with our children!
Sorry my mind is all over the place tonight...I was thinking about a poem that someone found for me when Makenzie died and I put in her journal that I write to her and I wanted to share it with everyone...
I Am With You
Once I lived in my mother's womb,
A place for me to flourish and bloom,
And in that place I felt such love,
Until the day I was called from above.
The angels came and took me away,
Because on Earth I couldn't stay.
But my mother didn't want me to go,
Because she really loves me so.
So I spoke to God and made a deal,
That would help my mommy's heart to heal,
And so God said that I could visit,
At any time, there is no limit.
Now when she feels about to cave,
I send her courage to make her brave,
And in the night when she cries,
I am there to wipe her eyes,
And when she sits and thinks of me,
I am there sat on her knee,
When she thinks that no one cares,
I am there stroking her hair,
When it's hard for her to carry on,
I am there to make her strong.
For when you carry love in your heart,
You never really are apart.