Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Me Day

I started my day with an 1hour massage. It was amazing (thank you Becky!)!!! Then after that I went dress shopping for my 10yr reunion. And I was very surprised that I had fun shopping. Normally I hate clothes shopping because I can never find things that look good on me. But I think I had more than a dozen dresses to try on and found a couple that fit. All I had to do was narrow them down. Finally I found one that looks great on me. That made me feel pretty good about myself. I like that I feel pretty again. I was feeling like I had this belly with no proof that I had a baby like so many other moms who get to "show" the reason why they still have a little belly fat. It feels good to look great in a dress! I saw the old me in the mirror today. And to top it off I saved more than what my dress actually cost! I love saving money! I think I can wear the dress again for a nice night out, party, etc.

After finding my dress, Chris, Burley (my brother-in-law), and I went to the movies. It was a great movie but in the back of my mind all I could think about was babies! I'm not sure what brought that up during the movie since it was Transformers 3 (in 3D) but I was thinking about how exciting it would be to be pregnant again. I almost felt as exciting as when we were thinking about getting pregnant with Makenzie! The little butterflies in my stomach thinking about trying again...but it could also be because I was having a good day. I was doing ok at the mall even when I saw sooooo many babies. I was a little angry at them for having something that I want so badly. But that goes without saying most of the time. I'm wondering if that excited (maybe ready) feeling will pass tomorrow or on one of my bad days. Sometimes it's like I really can't trust the way I feel because it always changes. That's why I'm not sure if I will ever know when I'm ready again...it seems to always change. I'm sure that I will be very excited (and nervous) when we do get pregnant again but the not knowing is very scary and I'm sure that feeling will never go away. Maybe I just have to jump into it with faith and hope that He catches me.

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