Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Fourth of July

So the fourth of July was harder than I thought it was going to be. I think alot of it was because Chris was gone all weekend. I was good all weekend...even when I was at Leavenworth and seeing a ton of butterfly things. But as soon as I saw Chris it was like a whole weekend of sadness just came rushing back.

We had gone over to my brother-in-law's house and had a BBQ. Laura (my sister-in-law) and the 4 kids were over too. Even though they are not that little, it was hard to have the kids running around and not be a little sad that Makenzie won't be joining in. I had to go outside and just sit alone for a get away from all the laughter.

It was harder to go to the park to watch the fireworks...babies and kids EVERYWHERE!! Oh yeah and pregnant women too! On the way home I couldn't help but cry. It hurts soooo much to not have those kinds of times with Makenzie. It's hard not to think about what we should/would be doing if Makenzie was here. Well what do we do? Cry when I want to, I guess.

1 comment:

  1. I imagine that feeling will never go away. My first miscarriage was 5 years ago and I still have that feeling. I can be having fun and then all of a sudden a feeling washes over me that my baby is missing and I should have a 4 and a half year old running around... or I should be uncomfortable and miserably pregnant right now. And I know your grief is even more magnified than that. I am so sorry that you are going through this.