Our camping trip went well. The weather stayed nice (all except the day we left). This camping trip was suppose to be the first one that Makenzie was going to. We were looking forward to it since we started planning it in January. She would have 3 months (having me beat...I was 6 months on my first camping trip). We brought her bear, Makenzie Bear, everywhere we went, taking pictures like she was there with us. If she was there with us we would have been in the motor home all weekend due to the heat but instead we were out enjoying the sun. I think I did really well and having her bear there I think helped me. I think Makenzie Bear was in more pictures than anyone else. I know it sounds weird to have a stuffed bear in pictures but it's HER bear and that helped me to involve her in some way.We also saw soooo many butterflies there! We kept saying that it was her and her new friends (other babies who've died) that she's met in Heaven. I only got 2 pictures of only one butterfly the whole weekend...they wouldn't land and stay long enough. But that gave me peace of mind that she was there too.
It was a relaxing weekend that was much needed with most of my family. I even got some reading in. I just got a new book called "Trying again after loss" it's about the pros and cons of trying again and the emotional steps to thinking about trying again and the feelings that may come when you do get pregnant again. It's a pretty good book, I'm glad I got it. It has helped to put things in perspective a little.
Coming home was a little hard knowing that Makenzie SHOULD have been with us all weekend. I did well through out the weekend but every little thing I would catch myself thinking about what we would be doing if she was there with us. But I did well and that's all that counts these days.
Thanks for finding me, I think I am following you now too (I am very new to blogging!). I read Makenzie's story and no matter how many stories I read, I always hope the ending will be different.
ReplyDeleteThis new pregnancy is over before it began, really. A "chemical pregnancy." I started bleeding yesterday and negative pregnancy tests. The doctors are doing some blood work to find out what is going on. :(
I am not sure how I feel now about trying again now, but I will say I think it will be scary whenever we try, so I don't want to let that stop us from trying. We still really want to be parents (to a living child!) If you and your husband are both feeling that way, I don't see a reason to wait (unless your doctor thinks you should). We are always going to be mourning our first child, but we can't let that stop us from living our lives too. just my thoughts..
Look forward to keeping up with your story too.