Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Going crazy already!!!

I feel like I'm slowly going crazy...

A few weeks ago when I took my 3 pregnancy test (all positive) I thought this is it, I'm pregnant again, about to embark on this journey once again. But ever since then all I seem to think is that it can't be true. I can't get pregnant after only one month. That doesn't happen to "our kind" (people in this horrible club). I think that the negative test that came up a few days before the positive ones really has been on the front of my mind. I seem to be living on the "What ifs"... what if this is a false pregnancy cause by emotional issues or a hysterical pregnancy? What if on my first appointment where we'll suppose to see our babies heartbeat for the first time the doctor says "I'm sorry but the is no baby in there...it must be your imagination"...

Well I was driving myself so crazy that last night around 9:30 as Chris and I were sitting, watching TV, I turn to him and say that I'm going to the store. He looked at me with a strange look on his face. I told him that I was going to get a pregnancy test because I was worried that this was a false pregnancy. I told him that I was sorry for being so silly since we have 3 positives still sitting on the counter in the bathroom. He just smiled and said that I can do whatever it takes to make me feel better about this pregnancy.

So after taking yet another test...positive. But the control line was lighter than the test line so I was a little worried that my test wasn't working right. So to top it off, I took ANOTHER test this morning...positive. But this time the control line was a little darker (even though the test line came up first). Maybe it isn't a false pregnancy. 5 out of 6 seems to be in my favor. But I still can't help but be nervous for our first appointment. It's too early to start feeling crazy...what will I be like as this journey continues?! I feel sorry for my husband having to live with me and all my friends/family that I'm sure I'll drive a little crazy too with the nonsense that might be going through my head.

We've been praying every night to help us through this, and thanking God for allowing us a second chance (hopefully with a better outcome). But we know that it will be a long 9 months with many ups and downs.

I can't believe that yesterday was 4 months since we had Makenzie! I'd have to say that I had a good day. I didn't let it get to me. I still miss her but I know that she's with us always. I love you sweet angel!


  1. You can request to have the blood hcg levels tested before your actual first appointment if it will help at all. This early on your levels should be doubling every 2-3 days and they can tell you if things are advancing at the right pace before you go in for an ultrasound. Just something to keep in mind.

  2. I agree, have your hcg tested, any little thing that will help you breathe is totally worth it!